Re-Joining the Current Century

With our ever-changing technological world, I never thought I would ever feel “out of the times”. It is really strange that, now that we have things like indoor plumbing and electricity, we end up taking advantage of the services that these things provide. We wake up in the morning and we make our morning coffee in our electric coffee pot, we cook our breakfast over our functional stove, we take a shower indoors, we go to work in some sort of transportational vehicle, be it a car, bus, or train, we come home and cook a leisurely meal in our gas or electrically powered oven, we relax with entertainment items such as the television or the computer..and all of these things are just supposed to be there like they always have been for us and the current generation; most of us have never gone without these items for more than a few days, or whatever it takes to repair a broken appliance.

Due to the economic downfall of a few years ago, I have gotten the rare glimpse into life without minor convenience–not on a huge scale or anything, but just enough for me to really appreciate having the things that so often I take for granted. Two years ago, we were living in a beautiful brand new house with all of the normal conveniences, as well as a prospectively nice yard in a great neighbourhood when the recession hit, turning our world upside-down for a bit. That year, we were laid off 3 separate times and money was extremely scarce. We ended up downsizing to a very small basement suite that had only a stand-up shower, a teeny-tiny refrigerator, and no oven, in a home riddled with mold, a leaking toilet, and just in general, a house in need of a whole lot of repairs. At this point we were fully employed again, but because of a lack of income all year, it took us almost a full year to catch up to where we had been before the financial trauma hit.

In general, I did very well. I knew our situation dictated that we would have to make some sacrifices for a while, so I chose to view our current situation much like long-term camping..you have only the barest necessities while you are out in the wild blue yonder, and you know just when you will be going “home again”. Although I didn’t exactly know when I would be going home, I did know that this was a temporary situation that would improve with time and patience. At the one-year mark, I was just about at my limit. We were doing well, and I was starting to finally go a little stir-crazy with not having had a bath in over a year and being forced to cook only with a crock pot and a stovetop, while playing tetris with a travel-refrigerator; it was time to start looking around for something that we could not only live with, but live comfortably. I found us a beautiful place that we are currently preparing to move into out in the country that has everything I have been missing for the last 14 months, plus huge amounts of space both inside and out.

What I think about now, when I think of our past situation, is twofold. First, I think about all of the people in the world who have LESS than I did, even when I was lacking items and services, and that they have to live creatively on a regular basis with no end in sight. Second, I think about how those of us who have always had all of the conveniences, feel that giving up just one thing for a few days is the end of our world. We have become so used to having the things that we have, that we forget about all of the people who have very little. Even in my situation, I found it difficult to make the transition from everything to not-necessarily-everything, even though we still had quite a bit. I think the problem is that it is so much easier to acquire things– items, residences, wide-open spaces–but it is so much harder to downsize, because we have evolved into a “hoarding” society; we feel we have to keep everything we have, because not only have we worked hard to get it, but we also figure we might need it at some point in the future. The problem with this is that life is so unpredictable. Disasters, both physical and financial, can happen to anyone at any time, and if we understand this concept and realize each situation is non-permanent, then the situation can be less profound and easier to adjust to when and if it happens. As for myself..what I have learned from my own situation is simple: Appreciate everything and regret nothing. Life happens..

Country Roads

I have always been a bit of a country girl at heart. As a child, I was raised in the country–not so far away from civilization that I was uneducated as to which fork to use for the salad, but far enough out so as to not have to worry about crime, traffic, or the stress associated with the “need it now, gotta be there yesterday” mentality of city living. I grew up climbing trees, making elaborate forts in the woods, riding horses, exploring the vast wilderness, and camping every weekend, but I also hungered for the socialization associated with the city and often times I wished I could be a part of that life. It is interesting that one really doesn’t realize how good we may have it until we live on the other side of the fence.

Over the past couple of decades, I have experienced city life in various forms and degrees, and I have come to the conclusion that my upbringing in the country was far better than anywhere else I have experienced. Currently, we live in a small town of about 12,000 people, but within an hour drive of a major municipality. It’s a cute, friendly little town, but even in our small little community, I still see the city life mentality alive and well, and even here I have yearned for a quiet little country house away from noise, pollution, and utter chaos in general.

A week ago, our fortunes took a major turn for the better when we happened upon exactly what I have always wanted (but not necessarily what I have always KNOWN I wanted) as I discovered a beautiful house in the country looking for a tenant. Suddenly, we found ourselves moving away from chaos and crossing into serenity, as we prepare to leave behind our small two bedroom basement suite into a very large 3 bedroom walkout basement farmhouse built into a hill and with beef cattle, a horse, and two cats-in addition to our own two dogs, who took to the huge back yard and vast open spaces like a duck to water. Like the dogs, we all immediately felt not only at home, but at peace in the new and beautiful surroundings of our new paradise..

My Family is Way Awesome

In the spirit of Mother’s Day, I decided to use one of my oldest son Ben’s quotes as the title of this blog post. As a resident of British Columbia Canada and also an immigrant-in-transition, it is not possible for me to travel to the United States for any reason without risking refusal back into Canada, so until I am fully immigrated I must remain here. Most of the time this is not a problem as I love it up here and it is more “home” to me than any place I have ever been, but it also means that I cannot leave to go see family on a whim; they have to come to me.

My son Ben currently lives in Washington, and tries to come up whenever his military unit gives him a weekend off, but due to several recent issues it has not been possible for quite some time. I also had not had the opportunity to meet his new wife Megan as she didn’t currently have a passport, so imagine my surprise to see them standing at the door on Friday, announcing they were here to spend Mother’s Day weekend with me! I later learned that this plan had been in the works for over a month and that everyone else knew but me, as it was supposed to be a surprise..and a surprise it definitely was! Aside from having them show up on our doorstep, I was also extremely impressed that Mike was able to keep the secret for as long as he did, as deception is not one of his strengths. I also learned that my daughter Tanya had been avoiding calling me for the last few weeks because she was afraid she might spill the beans. At any rate, we had a fantastic weekend up here with them. We took them out to dinner on Friday, watched several movies together, talked and generally socialized a bunch, I made them pizzas on Sunday afternoon, and then we all went out for Mother’s Day dinner at Encore. Ben gave me a most awesome 8 x 10 photo of his recent graduation from the latest military school he attended, and Megan gave me a gorgeous collage of ultrasound photos of their unborn child! Both will be displayed on the wall as soon as possible.

All in all, I had the best Mother’s Day that I can remember in a long time. It was great having them here and regrettable to see them go, but they did promise to come up one more time before leaving for Kansas, so we will look forward to that. I must say that I absolutely agree with Ben’s sentiments and I am stealing his quote: My family is way awesome!!

Delusions of Grandeur

In the spirit of the creation and maintenance of this blog, I thought it was perhaps time I defined a few things, primarily the title, and also the purpose for why I am here annoying the world with my various ramblings. As a person muddling through life with initially undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder until the age of 25, I had always thought of myself as abnormal, different, and a little bit psychologically challenged. This is not to say that I am mentally ill; it has more to do with the fact that when one has concentration problems, one generally either does not remember doing things they have in fact done, or else one clearly remembers doing things that have not been accomplished. Either of these less than ideal options, if it happens often enough, will affirm to the individual a questioning of one’s sense of mental stability on a minor scale.

I think it is quite interesting and also slightly ironic that, after my diagnosis and full treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder, I actually went back and received a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology. I have thought a lot about this since finishing my degree, and I have come to the conclusion that perhaps the very thing that attracted me to the field of Psychology is the fact that I have been in a position of questioning my sanity from time to time. I wonder if I hadn’t done so..if I hadn’t been in a position to wonder about the existance and purpose of the human brain and why mine seemed to function differently than others’..whether it ever would have occurred to me to enter the field of Psychology in the first place. What I am suggesting here is, perhaps we must experience certain things in order to narrow down a direction to our lives.

With all of that said, the title of my blog “Delusionarium” refers to the idea of the delusion, which is actually defined as a belief that is either mistaken or not substantiated, yet held with intensity of conviction. Although my meaning of delusion has nothing to do with Psychopathology per se, it occurred to me that by using the term, it would also reveal a little more about myself without having to look very far into the blog. It also seems to me that words ending in “arium” suggest containment of various sorts; a solarium is a room that uses the warmth from the sun and confines it into a certain area, and a sanitarium (now an out-dated term) refers to the housing of those recuperating from illness, usually assumed to be mentally based. Considering all of these definitions, a “delusionarium” could be defined as my own unsubstantiated thoughts and opinions which I feel very strongly about, that are confined in my brain. Although initially a jumbled mess, these ramblings (or musings) are sorted and organized in the brain before re-emerging in the virtual world. The phrase “musings from the Virtual Couch” is simply another way to describe my “Delusionarium” in a definition format: They are my own unsubstantiated and sometimes mistaken impressions of life as I see it, with a psychologically-based flair. As for the purpose of this blog..well, that is a simple matter. I write to keep my sanity..

A Dreary Monday Funny

When I was growing up in Stevens Point Wisconsin, my father had a multitude of jokes that he used to tell and, as we were mostly Polish in nationality, most of the jokes reflected that. I would just like to point out before I begin that, this in no way should be taken as offensive against the Polish–in fact, I love my Polish heritage and have always seen these jokes merely as affectionate examples of a love for a culture. With that said, out of all of the jokes my father has told me over the years, this is the one that stands out in my brain, as it was also by far my favorite of the bunch. I hope it is received well here also..

The Man and the Paint Can (joke told in the 1980s before the invention of certain technologies)
A man got a job working for the city as the person who paints the lines on the roads to separate two-lane traffic, and he had been employed for three days. The first day he painted 5 miles’ worth of lines, the second day he painted 3 1/2 miles, and the third day he painted 1/2 mile. The boss called him into the office and inquired, “What is going on with you?? The first day you did GREAT, you painted 5 miles worth of lines. The second day was still pretty good at 3 1/2 miles. But the third day, you only painted 1/2 mile. What gives?” The man gave his boss an incredulous look and simply stated, “Do you have any idea how far away I was from that paint can???”

HAPPY MONDAY!!!

I Am Me..I am a Little Like Other Cats, But Mostly I Am Just Me

I am not sure who wrote this but I have always liked it, because it suggests permission towards individuality. I have always been proud of the fact that I beat to the sound of my own drum and over the years I have lost sight of this aspect of myself. What I have learned over the past few years though, is that individuality is at the heart of the person I have always been. I am still walking down the path of discovery and although it is a long and sometimes dark and spooky path, I am happy to say that street lights have finally been installed and my future is looking brighter. I now understand how important it is for me to retain my individuality wherever the path may lead, and whatever others may think of my choices or lifestyle, it has been and always will be, my life to lead. I do hope though, that the people I love will choose to accompany me on this road even if they don’t always agree with my ideas or the choices that I make..

To Be or Not To Be..An Honest Opinion

I normally do not post politically based posts, as I am just not a fan of politics in general, but with the recent news of Bin Laden’s death, I am going to make an exception. I believe he was a very dangerous man and I am relieved that we will no longer have to concern ourselves with what he may be plotting, but I am against all of the celebration that is going on in America.

Although I am in most current respects, Canadian now, I am also an American by birthright, and I was living in America at the time that the 9-11 attacks happened. I have seen the videos of the event more times than I care to count, I do have an understanding of what transpired and what it meant, but to me, celebrating the man’s death is extremely distasteful. I remember on the day that the attacks happened, seeing video footage from the Middle-East of people cheering, hooting, hollering, and clapping because the damage had been done in America. I remember my at-the-time-husband going into a rant (and I believe he had good reason) about how distasteful it was to be celebrating the death of other people, and I agreed with him 100%. But now, nearly ten years later, here we are, doing the same things! Now WE are the ones caught on video cheering, dancing in the streets, and in general, celebrating the death of someone else. How is this any different from what the Middle-easterners were doing ten years ago? Perhaps an agrument can be made that in America it was innocent people who were killed, whereas Bin Laden was far from innocent, but still..a death is the permanent snuffing out of life, and in my opinion, it is NEVER something to be celebrated. We can acknowledge that we did what had to be done and then move on..it should be that simple. I recently found a quote that I believe to be very appropriate to this situation from Martin Luther King Jr: ”I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” Martin Luther King Jr was a very smart man..he missed the 9-11 incident but I do not believe he would be happy about the way we are handling the after-effects of our actions..